
CONVERTING BRUCE 



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BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. 






Converting Bruce 

A Farce in One Act 



By 
EDITH J. BROOMHALL 

Author of ' Whal Rosie Told the Tailor." etc. 



NOTICE 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1919 



^-f> 



Converting Bruce 



CHARACTERS 




Copyright, 1919. by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



TMP92-008703 
©C1.O 52705 



SEP3Qms ./.v./. 



Converting Bruce 



SCENE. — The living-room of the apartment occupied by 
Peggy and Beth. It is a charming room, with many 
evidences of pretty feminine taste. A be-ribboned 
guitar lies on the couch; a string of dance programs 
dangle from the chandelier; on the table is an open 
work-basket, zvith a bit of fancy-work sticking out of 
it; a bright-hued bag hangs on the back of a chair. 

(At rise, Beth is discovered in an easy chair near table, 
reading and nibbling candy, an open box of which 
stands on the corner of the table near at hand. 
'Phone rings.) 

Beth {dropping book, and turning to table on which 
'phone stands, takes down receiver) . Hello ! . . . . Oh, Mr. 
Webster, is it? {She settles herself into her chair as if 
for a long conversation.) Good-evening. . . .No, Peggy's 
out. She went over to the cottage to a committee meet- 
ing. Won't I do?. .. .Oh, he 2^.^ When did he get back ? 
. . . .Well, I suppose we shall not see you so often now. 
. . . .What ! Bring him here! Why, will, he comef . . . . 
What! Oh, you sinner! . . . .Yes. . . .yes. . . .Oh, what a 
splendid idea!. . . .Why, of course he would if he ever 
saw her. But how. . . .Oh, yes, do come. I'll help you 
plan it.... Oh, you aref Then come right over now. 
Bye-bye. {She hangs up, then rushes round the room, 
straightening a pillow here, a drape there; sees a slipper 
on the floor and kicks it under the couch. The door-bell 
rings. She goes to speaking-tube and calls.) Hello! 
Oh, come right up, Mr. Webster. 

{A moment later, enter Jack breezily.) 

Jack. Good-evening, Be-^oh, beg pardon, Miss Stuart, 

3 



4 CONVERTING BRUCE 

Beth (holding out her hand, laughingly, imitating his 
tone). Good-evening, Ja — oh, beg pardon, Mr. Webster. 

Jack {taking her hand and holding it tight as he looks 
ardently into her face). Well, you called me Mister 
through that (nods toward speaking-tube), and I 
thought 

Beth, (zvithdrawing her hand, laughing still). I 
thought you had come to make plans as to how you were 
going to get your woman-hating friend and roommate up 
here to meet us. To business, sir, to business! Make 
yourself comfy. (She pidls out a big chair and shakes up 
the cushions. He sits, and she drops into her ozvn chair.) 
Now, then, out with your little plot ! 

Jack. You are a jewel to let me come and to promise 
to help ; but the fact is, my plans are very hazy yet. All 
I've thought of is to pretend that this is the new apart- 
ment I've taken while he's been away, and so get him up 
here; and while he is here, you girls come in unexpect- 
edly, and — well, I guess I can trust you and Peggy to do 
the rest. 

Beth. Be-3;oo-tiful ! To be sure it is a new apart- 
ment, seeing that we have been in it only two weeks. But 
you dear blind thing, do you think any man would ever 
think it a man's apartment ? 

Jack (glancing round). By George, I never thought 
of that. (Ruefidly.) That queers the whole thing. All 
these feminine do-dads will give the whole show away, 
and he'll cut and run the first thing. Oh, shucks! 

Beth (thoughtfidly surveying the room). Oh, I don't 
know about that. When's he coming? 

Jack. This evening. 

Beth. This evening! 

Jack. Yes. (Apologetically.) Of course, I know it's 
awful cheek — but, you see, I do so want to wake the dear 
old boy up to a sense of his idiocy on the woman ques- 
tion. And there's nobody I know who can do it so well 
as you and Peggy. And this idea popped into my head 
all of a sudden, and — well, it had to be to-night or never, 
because to-morrow he'll know that I don't live here. So 
I told him to come straight here from Wigmore's lecture. 



CONVERTING BRUCE 5 

Beth. And what time will that be ? 

Jack. Between eight-thirty and nine. 

Beth {looking at her zvatch). It's a quarter past eight 
now. {She jumps up.) Here, help me to set the stage! 
Put these things out of sight — in the table drawer, any- 
where. {She throzus the fancy-work to him and the 
dance programs from the chandelier. She herself gathers 
up the work-basket, the bag, and a few extra feminine- 
looking drapes from different parts of the room and car- 
ries them into another room. Returns and studies the 
room.) There ! That looks a little less like a girl's room, 
but it still does not look very much like a man's. 

Jack {also surveying the room with a critical eye). 
That's no dream ! Vv^ell — things will just have to move 
quickly — too quickly for the dear old boy to know he's 
being strung. I'm relying an awful lot on you and Peggy, 
Beth. 

Beth. And Peg won't fail you, you may be sure of 
that. But, what do you want me to do ? Hadn't I better 
'phone Peggy first and tell her what we are up to, so that 
she won't give the show away if she should happen not to 
arrive before he does? 

Jack. Good idea! But wait — let me do it. {Goes to 
'phone, takes down receiver. Door-bell rings, three short 
rings. Jack hangs up receiver, hastily.) Good Lord, 
there he comes ! That's his ring. What shall we do ? 

Beth. Mercy ! He mustn't find me here or that will 
queer the game. I'll go out the back way, and get Peggy, 
and we'll come back together. Buck up. Jack ! Play the 
game — smoke — 'phone — act natural, and trust in Provi- 
dence. But for heaven's sake, don't let him get past this 
door, at least for the next ten minutes. Good-bye and 
good luck ! 

Jack. 'Phone! Good idea! He says I spend my life 
'phoning, so that will seem perfectly natural. Here goes 
for an imaginary conversation. {Takes dozun receiver, 
but keeps hand on 'phone. He hears Bruce Harrington 
enter but pays no attention. Talks on unconcernedly into 
'phone.) I just wanted to know if you were going to be 
home this evening. . . .You are? Good, then I'll run over 



6 CONVERTING BRUCE 

for a while if you don't mind Yes, I'm in the new 

apartment What? Oh, yes, but it will look more 

so when we get more of our own things sprinkled round. 
The folks who had it before still have some of theirs 
here. It doesn't look quite like home, sweet home yet. 
.... Perhaps you and Peggy will help put it that way 
some day. . . .You will? Thanks a lot. Well, then, you'll 

tell Peggy that Til be over Thank you and good-bye. 

(Hangs up and swings round to face Bruce.) Hello, 
Bruce, old man, welcome home. How do you like it? 

(Makes a sweeping gesture to include the whole room.) 

Bruce (calmly surveying the room). As you so ably 
remarked a moment ago, it doesn't look exactly like home, 
sweet home; but nothing could be more homelike than 
your pretty prattle on the 'phone. Making a date again, 
I suppose ? 

Jack. Good guess. 

Bruce. Same girl, I suppose ? 

Jack (calmly). Right again. 

Bruce. How many does that make this week? 

Jack (still calmly). Oh, a baker's dozen, more or 
less. 

Bruce. And all with the same girl? 

Jack (virtuously) . Why, of course! 

Bruce (dropping into a chair with a despairing sigh). 
Well, there was safety in numbers. 

Jack (catching him up quickly). Then come there 
with me this evening. 

Bruce. What, m^.^ M^ call on a girl ? Not on your 
life ! Not on two girls ! 

Jack. Well, you said there was safety in numbers, 
and there would be four of us. 

Bruce (with infinite scorn). Four of us! Ye-es! 
And you and your dear Miss What's-her-name would be 
off in the corner by yourselves and I'd be left to the 
tender mercies of Cousin Peggy. For I suppose that's 
where you're going. 

Jack (half indignantly). That's just where I am 
going. And let me tell you this, you old grouch, Peggy's 
a peach. 



CONVERTING BRUCE 7 

Bruce (with a flip of his finger). Pooh! Peggy's a 
girl. 'Nuff said. 

Jack (eyes him for a moment contemplatively). Poor 
chap! Who was she, Bruce? 

Bruce. She ? 

Jack. Yes; the girl who threw you down so hard? 
You must have been awfully young and green, for it has 
not been since I've known you. 

Bruce (reaching for a book under the table as if going 
to study). Well, what if somebody did throw me over? 
What's that got to do with my going with you or not ? 

Jack. Why, you numbskull, all girls aren't alike! 
Why, I'll bet you all that (draws a hand fid of money 
from his pocket and jingles it) — and it's all I have till I 
get another welcome check from dad — that if you once 
saw Peggy I'd never be able to drag you away from 
here — from there, I mean. 

Bruce (throzving the book down impatiently). And 
I'll bet you'd lose your little all then. I never saw the 
girl yet that I'd leave my happy home for. 

Jack. You never saw Peggy and — you never saw 
Peggy yet. 

Bruce (with a half grin). Well, even Peggy and are 
just girls, — sweet little dears, saying sweet little things 
before a fellow's face. But behind his back — well, that's 
another story. 

Jack (disgustedly). Oh, you blithering idiot! (He 
walks up and dozvn the room a turn or two with im- 
patient steps.) See here, Bruce, you are too fine a fellow 
to get such pestiferous notions into your head. You 

Bruce (jumping to his feet). Oh, you can't tell me! 
Don't I know 'em! Haven't I seen 'em? Why, most 
of 'em would enjoy talking to a deaf man just for the 
pleasure of saying mean things about 'em to the rest of 
the company while they shouted sweet things into his 
ear-trumpet ! 

Jack (striding to the table, picks up a photo of the 
girls). Here, look at this ! It's a new one of Peggy and 
Miss Stuart. Do they look as if they'd say sweet things 
to a man's face and the other kind behind his back ? 



8 CONVERTING BRUCE 

Bruce {taking the picture imwlllingly) . Hm! It's 
not a case of all girls look alike to me — they just act alike, 
that's all. 

{But he continues to look at the picture as if he were 
not altogether averse to the task.) 

Jack (after pacing the floor a few times excitedly). 
Look here, Bruce, I believe I can convert you. Will you 
give me a chance? 

Bruce (his eyes still on the picture). Convert me? 
How? 

Jack. Well, you come out with me this evening and 
call on Peggy 

Bruce (interrupting him with a sardonic grin). Peggy 
and, don't you mean? 

Jack. Oh, all right, then, Peggy and Miss Stuart, 
though I'm counting on Peggy to do the trick. Well, you 
come out wirh me, and I'll prove to you that not all girls 
are the contemptible little idiots you pretend you think 
they are. 

Bruce (still looking at the picture). What's your 
scheme ? 

Jack. Well, what you said about a girl talking to a deaf 

man gave me an idea. Now, if you'll be willing to 

('Phone rings.) Just a minute. Hello!. . . .Yes, this is 
Jack .... Yes, he's here ; do you want to see him, too ? 
Oh-h-h, I see. Yes, you're right, that would be lots 
better. Where are you now?. .. .First floor ?.... Well, 
wait a minute, I want to see you before you go. . . .Yes, 
right now. (Hangs up.) Say, Bruce, I've got to run 
down to the first floor a minute to see a — a fellow. I'll 
be back in a jiffy, and then I'll tell you my little plan. 

[Exit in a grand hurry. 

Bruce. Hm ! Wonder what " fellow " lives on the 
first floor? Voice sounded rather feminine over the 
'phone. (He wanders round the room, looking at pic- 
tures on the zvalls.) Wonder why on earth Jack picked 
this place. Looks like a co-ed's hang-out more than a 
fellow's. (He stubs his toe against the leg of the couch.) 
Ouch ! What's he got that darned couch sprawling 
across the middle of the room for! (He swings the 



CONVERTING BRUCE 9 

conch around, uncovering the slipper that Beth has 
kicked under when she *' set the stage " for his entrance. ) 
Hel/o/ What's this? {He stoops and picks it up.) A 
girl's sHpper. (Slips his hand into it.) And still warm, 
by George ! (Stands looking at the slipper with a puzzled 
face. Again looks critically around the room; catches 
sight of something hanging out of the table drawer, goes 
swiftly across the room and opens the drawer; takes out 
the fancy-zvork that Jack has thrust in there. He holds 
it -Up and examines it, the slipper still in his other hand, 
then puts them both down on the table and, zvith hands 
in pockets, surveys them.) Well! Well! Now what 
are these things doing in the flat that my dear friend 
Webster says he has rented for us for the rest of the 
year? And zvhat is my giddy young roommate trying to 
put over on me? There is surely some niggah in the 
woodpile somewhere. (Jack's voice is heard on the 
stairs. Bruce hastily seizes the bag in which he carries 
his books and papers, slips the fancy-work and the slipper 
into it.) Well, whatever it is, I'm going to bite for once, 
just for the pleasure of telling about these things after- 
wards. (He drops the bag behind the couch.) 

Enter Jack. 

^ Jack. Say, Bruce, don't you want to walk down to the 
library with me? I've got to get a book for my eight 
o'clock recitation to-morrow. 

Bruce. Why, man alive, I've only just come from 
there ! 

Jack. I know you have. But just remember I haven't 
seen you for a whole two weeks. Come on, pardner! 
It's a peach of a night for a walk. 

Bruce. Oh, all right then. (Aside.) Plot thickens. 
No sooner gets me here than he wants to get me away. 

Jack. Come on then, because you know I have a date 
for this evening, and if you fall for my little plan you'll 
have one, too. 

(They take their hats and exeunt. ^The stage is empty 
for a second, then enter Peggy. She comes in 
briskly, walks over to table and puts down note- 



ID CONVERIING BRUCE 

hook and fountain pen, then takes off hat and carries 
it out of the room, calling " Beth " as she goes. Re- 
turns immediately.) 

Peggy. Wonder where she is? {Looks round room.) 
What's happened to this room? 

Enter Beth. 

Beth. Hello, Peggy, home again. {Gazes round.) 
Why, haven't they come yet? 

Peggy {surprised). They? Who's coming? 

Beth. Oh, did I forget to tell you? Why, your 
cousin called up and said he was coming out this even- 
ing, and later he called again and said he was bringing 
his friend Mr. Harrington with him. 

Peggy. Harrington? Not Harrington the famous 
woman-hater, surely ! 

Beth {shrugging her shoulders) . Search me ! Jack — 
Mr. Webster said his friend Harrington. That's all I 
know. 

Peggy {imitating her, teasingly). "Jack — Mr. Web- 
ster." What's the use of putting on style with me, Beth ? 
Don't you suppose I'm wise to what brings my dear 
cousin out here so often? And it's perfectly all right 
with me. I'll take you for a cousin-in-law any day. 
{Rises slowly.) Well, I guess I'll see what's in the ice- 
box. If Mr. Harrington shows signs of being bored by 
too much feminine society, we'll feed him. By way of 
tummy reach the heart, you know. [Exit. 

Beth (^calling after her). Better make your famous 
shrimp wiggle, then ; I'd bet on that as a short cut to any 
man's heart. {She moves around, straightening things 
on the table, brings in all the things she had removed, 
humming softly the while. Picks up picture of Jack 
aitd gazes at it laughing.) Jack, you villain, this plan is 
just like you ! But I'd never let you try it, though, if she 
weren't the sweetest-tempered girl in the world. If she 
doesn't " convert Bruce " then he's positively hopeless. 
{Door-bell rings.) Ah, here they are. Peggy, oh Peggy, 
shall I go and let them in? 

Peggy {within). Why, of course not! Jack ought 



CONVERTING BRUCE II 

to know his way up those stairs by this time. (Enters.) 
No shrimps, so I can't make a wiggle ; but there's plenty 
of cheese and things for a rarebit. I'll make it. You'll 
probably be too busy. 

Beth {mischievously). Perhaps you will have con- 
verted Mr. Harrington by that time, and he will be dying 
to help you. 

Peggy {calmly). Perhaps. You never can tell, as 
dear George Bernard says. As long as he doesn't die 
after eating my rarebit. {Knock at door.) Come in! 

Enter Jack and Bruce. 

Jack (briskly). Good-evening, Peggy dear. Good- 
evening, Miss Stuart. Peggy, I want to introduce my 
friend and roommate, Bruce Harrington, and I want you 
to be awfully nice to him, for I've had a deuce of a time 
getting him here. (Y^ells at Bruce.) My cousin, Miss 
Lee, Bruce — Miss Stuart. 

Peggy. Heavens, Jack! What a voice! (Cordially 
holding out her hand.) We've heard so much about you 
from Jack, Mr. Harrington. So glad you came. 

Bruce (looking puzzled). Rain? Oh, I think not 
this evening. 

Peggy. Rain ? Why 

Jack (hastily). Oh, I forgot to tell you, Peggy, you'll 
have to shout when you talk to Bruce. He's as deaf as 
a post. 

Peggy. Deaf? Why, you never Oh, you're 

joking ! 

Jack. Joking? What on earth should I joke for? 
Say something nice to the poor fellow quick, or he'll be 
going home. And that would be a howling shame after 
the time I had getting him here. 

Peggy (staring at Bruce open-mouthed). Well, of 
all things! (Raising her voice considerably.) I'm glad 
you came with Jack. 

Bruce (looking relieved). Oh, you've heard my name 
from Jack. Yes, Jack and I have been friends for quite 
a long time. 



12 CONVERTING BRUCE 

(Jack and Beth show signs of great glee. Beth claps 
her hand over month to smother a laugh.) 

Peggy {more amazed than ever, turning to Jack). 
Good heavens ! Jack, how loud must one speak so that 
he may hear ? 

Jack {very seriously) . Oh, it's not so much loud 
talking that counts as it is the enunciation. If you speak 
very slowly and distinctly, and a little louder than you 
did just now, he'll hear you all right. 

Peggy {resignedly) . Well, I'll do the best I can for 
as long as I can, but you'll have to help me out once in 
a while or my lungs will give out. {During the foregoing 
speeches Bruce has been gazing r^nnd the room in the 
abstract fashion of the deaf, while Beth, meeting his 
glance once and again, gives him a mischievous zvink. 
Now, as all through the play, it must be made evident 
that Peggy is the victim of a practical joke of zvhich 
Beth is fully aware. Peggy motions Bruce to a seat 
near the table, picks up a photograph album.) Are — 
you — interested — in — kodaks — Mr. Harrington? 

Bruce {listening with strained attention). Eh? 
What? Quacks? Oh, come now, Miss Lee, I'm study- 
ing law, not medicine ! 

{Demonstration of delight on the pari of Jack and 
Beth, who have retired to a divan in the rear of the 
room.) 

Peggy {in natural voice). Oh, lor! {Shouts.) I — 
said — kodaks — these — {points to &oo^), pictures — relics — 
of our — college — life. 

Bruce {brightening up). Oh, yes, I see. Record of 
all the stunts you and Miss — Miss 

{Manifestation of distress at not having remembered 
Beth's name.) 

Peggy {yelling). Beth Stuart. 

Beth {forgetting the game for a moment,, springs to 
her feet in surprise). Good gracious, Peg, what's the 
matter ? 



CONVERTING BRUCE 



^3 



PEGG-y* (calmly and in natural voice). Nothing, my 
dear, nothing. I was just recalHng your name to Mr. 
Harrington, that's all. (Beth subsides again. Peggy 
points to a picture in the kodak album.) Those — are — • 
some — of — the — boys — in — our — class. We — girls — j ust 
— swear by them. 

Bruce (looking startled and shocked). Girls szvear! 
Oh, not you, surely ! 

Peggy (hearing a giggle behind her, turns and shakes 
her fist at the other two). I said — we — swear by — by 
them. 

Bruce (studying a picture). Ah, the lake in a storm. 
That's pretty. 

Peggy (enthusiastically, forgetting to raise her voice). 
Oh, it's simply great on a stormy day. You ought 

to hear (Suddenly remembering.) Oh, dear! 

( Yells. ) I — just — love — to — hear — it — roar. 

Jack (applauding in rear). Bravo, Peggy! That's 
what I call suiting the action to the word. 

Peggy (over shoidder). Oh, Jack, please don't tease! 
Pm awfully sorry for the poor fellow, but really you 
ought to have warned me. This is hard work. (To 
Bruce again.) Do — you like — boating? 

(Vigorous knock at door. All but Bruce jump up.) 

Jack. Pll go, Peggy. 

Beth. Better let me. 

Peggy (firmly). You'll both stay where you are. I 
want a moment's rest. (To Bruce, szveetly but vocifer- 
ously.) Excuse me — one moment, please. ^ [Exit. 

Bruce (cautiously looking round, then jumping up and 
crossing to divan). Say, Jack, we've got to cut this out. 
I feel like a sneak thief.. 

Jack. Oh, keep it up, old man, keep it up. You know 
you promised to give a fair chance to convert you, and 
I'm doing my part, per Peggy. 

Bruce. But she'll never forgive me. 

Beth. Oh, yes, she will; Peggy's a dear. And, 
luckily, she admires good acting, and you certainly are 
great in your part, Mr. Harringtd'n. 



14- CONVERTING BRUCE 

Jack. S-sH! Here she comes. (Yells.)' Just re- 
member that, old man. 

Peggy (entering hurriedly). S-h! S-sh! Oh, dear, 
excuse me, Jack! Beth, what do you think? (Looks 
cautiously round at Bruce, who is apparently absorbed 
in the album again.) Mrs. Jones up-stairs has sent down 
to ask us to be quieter. She says we're keeping the baby 
awake ! 

Beth. Oh, what a joke ! 

Peggy. Joke! Well, I'm glad you see it that way. 
/ don't. 

Jack. Well, Peggy, it wasn't we who were making 
the noise. (Rising.) Pshaw! I suppose this means 
I've got to take Harrington home ; after all the hard work 
I had getting him here, too. 

Peggy (with another cautious look at the still un- 
conscious Bruce). Indeed you will not take him home! 
I don't care if the Jones' baby is kept awake all night. 
Serve it right ! The little brat has kept us awake often 
enough. I'm going to make it pleasant for that poor 
chap for one evening if I keep the whole town awake. 
So there! 

Beth (teasingly). Sure you're not throwing your 
goodness away? He's a woman-hater, you know. 

Peggy (crossing, and speaking back over her shoid- 
der). Stuff!" I'll bet my new spring bonnet the poor 
fellow's just conscious of his deafness and is too con- 
siderate of others to 

Bruce (looking rather uncomfortable, breaks in). 
This picture of you playing tennis. Miss Lee, was it taken 
here ? 

Peggy (looking over his shoidder; screams). No — 
that is — the — lawn — the — the lawn — at home. Do — 
you — play ? 

Bruce. Yes. You see (apologetically) that is one of 
the things I can do without taxing any one's patience and 
kindness to — to 

Peggy (with a pitying glance, in her natural voice). 
Oh, the poor fellow! (Screams again.) You must 
come out with Jack some day. (Jack and Beth ap- 



CONVERTING BRUCE 



5 



plaud. Peggy, over her shoulder.) I mean it, every 
word. And I'll make the whole family be extra nice to 
him. I haven't been so sorry for anybody for a blue 
moon. {Shouts to Bruce.) You'll come, won't you? 

(Telephone bell rings.) 

Beth. Tllanswer. (At'phone.) Hello! Who? 

Oh, that you, Flo? What? Oh, no, no! It's just 

Peggy entertaining a caller All right, I'll tell her. 

Good-bye. (Hangs up receiver and turns to Peggy.) 
It was Flo Somers, Peggy. She wanted to know whether 
we were murdering each other or whether the house was 
on fire. 

Peggy {heaving a tremendous sigh). Good heavens, 
can the whole town hear ! Well {resolutely), I don't care 
if they can. But I do think you might come and help me 
entertain the poor chap. 

Beth {returning to her seat). Oh, no, Peggy, yoli 
don't need any help. You're doing beautifully. 

Jack. And Bruce looks positively happy ! I have 
not seen him so beaming for weeks. 

{Behind Peggy'^ hack Bruce makes threatening signs 
at Jack.) 

Peggy {returning to Bruce). Beth and I — are — go- 
ing — home — on Saturday 

{Loud pounding heard below; everybody jumps.) 

Beth. Mercy ! What's that ? 

Jack {with a super-solemn glance around). Peggy's 
vociferations must be dislodging the plaster somewhere. 
{Roars at Bruce.) Did you feel anything? 

Beth {covering her ears). Oh, Jack! Your voice 
will jar the house down ! 

Bruce {rising slowly). Is — is anything the matter? 

Peggy {quickly): No, no! Something fell — down- 
stairs — I think. 

{Renewed pounding, and knock at the door.) 



l5 CONVERTING BRUCfi 

Jack. Til go, Peggy. {Exit. The two girls gaze 
anxiously at the door. Bruce watches Peggy covertly, 
rubbing his chin contemplatively. Jack . reenters, 
solemnly.) Peggy, the gentleman in the flat below pre- 
sents his compliments, per the broomstick on the ceiling 
and the janitor at the door — and could you be a little 
quieter. His wife has a bad headache. 

(Beth turns hastily azvay to hide her mirth. The two 
men watch Peggy.) 

Peggy (with a deep sigh). This is awfid! But — I 
don't care. They'll have to bear it. Mr. Harrington is 
my guest and I'm sorrier for him than I am for them. I 
will not have his feelings hurt. Jack, he must never 
know about this. 

Jack {enthusiastically hugging her). You're the best 
ever, Peggy. Any duffer ought. to be able to see that. 
{Shouts at Bruce.) Miss Stuart wants to show you her 
butterfly book, Bruce. {To Beth.) Trot it out, Beth. 
Where's the stuff for the spread, Peggy? You're going 
to feed us, aren't you ? 

Peggy. Why, of course. Come into the kitchen. 
{To Beth.) Be nice to the poor chap, Beth. [Exit. 

Jack {following her, stops at the door, and turns, hi 
low voice). Well, how about it, Harrington? 

Bruce {same tone). She's a darling. But she'll 
never forgive me. 

Jack, Oh, yes, she will, and you're converted al- 
ready. But keep your ears open still. [Exit to kitchen. 

Bruce {anxiously). Will she, do you think? 

Beth. Of course. Peg is a darling. But s-sh ! 
Here she comes. 

Enter Jack first, pushing a tea-wagon, followed by Peggy, 
who carries a chafing-dish. Bruce jumps up to take 
it from her. 

Peggy {shouts). Thank you. 

Jack {taking the chafing-dish from Bruce). T^Tever 
you mind about this, Bruce. I'm assistant cook and 
bottle-washer in this establishment. You go and sit down 



CONVERTmO BRUCE 1 7 

and listen — listen to Miss Stuart on Butterflies. (Bruce 
seats himself beside Beth again. They pretend to he 
looking at the hook, hut hoth listen to the conversation 
over the ted-wagon. Jack slices cheese.) Well, Peggy, 
how do you like Harrington, barring his deafness, of 
course ? 

Peggy (husy with the lamp of the chafing-dish). Very 
much. (With a swift glance at Bruce.) He'.s very 
good-looking. 

(Beth shows Bruce by signs that she agrees with 
Peggy. He squirms.) 

Jack. That's no dream. Only trouble is he knows 
it too well. 

Peggy {pausing in her work, zvith spoon poised in the 
air). Why, Jack Webster ! 

Jack {calmly). Well, it's true. He is good-looking. 
He is smart — smartest man in our class, bar none. But 
he knows it and he wants everybody else to know it too. 
Has the big head, in fact. 

Peggy {indignantly). Why, Jack, how can you talk 
so of a friend, and before his face, too? 

Jack {in surprised tone). Why, he can't hear me, 
you know. He — hi, look out there, Peggy, you're burn- 
ing the butter ! 

Peggy {stirring vigorously). He can't A^ar you ! As 
if that made any difference! Really, Jack, I didn't think 
you were that kind of man — one thing to a person's face 
and another behind his back. It's too disgusting! 

Jack {to Bruce, in his ordinary tone). Hear that, 
Bruce? 

Bruce (coming forward). Yes, I heard, and I'm con- 
vinced I've been a fool. 

Jack. Hear that, Peggy ? ' 

Peggy (stands open-mouthed, staring from one to the 
other, the plate of cheese in one hand, the big spoon in 
the other). Why — why, he heard you! 

Jack (laughing). Oh, yes, he heard me. You see, 
Peggy, it was a joke, after all, his deafness. He has al- 
ways said that all girls were alike, sweet to a fellow's face 
but horrid behind his back, or when they thought he 



/ \ 



1 8 CONVERTING BRUCE 

couldn't hear. I undertook to prove to him, through yoU, 
that he was all wrong. And — hi, look out, Peggy, you're 
spilling the cheese 1 

Bruce {drops on his knees to pick up the cheese, hut 
looks up at Peggy first). Can you forgive me, since you 
certainly have converted me? Jack told me that if ever 
I sa\y you it would be all up with my theories, and he 
was absolutely right. 

Peggy (giving him a playful whack with the big 
spoon). Oh, hurry up and pick up that cheese! The 
butter's burning. It was horrid of you, but 

Jack (joyfully slapping Bruce on the back). Oh, but 
me no huts, as our friend Shakespeare says somewhere ! 
You've worked a miracle, Peggy, you've " Converted 
Bruce." 

(As the curtain falls Bruce is seen at the tea-wagon 
stirring, while Peggy turns the sliced cheese into the 
chafing-dish; and Jack and Beth silently clasps 
hands behind them.) 



CURTAIN 



A PAGEANT OF HISTORY 

A Entertainment for either Indoor or Out-of-Door 

Performance 

By Walter Ben Hare 

Fifteen males, nine females by doubling, and has been given on a large 
scale with one hundred and thirty-eight men and two hundred and ten 
women. Eighteen males and twenty lemales is an average numbei. 
Costumes, historical ; scenery, either elaborate or none at all, as desired. 
Plays a full evening, A very easy and effective scheme for a pageant 
illustrating the progress of our race in history, with full directions for 
economical costuming and simple production. Adapted for production by 
any one, anywhere, with good effect. Has been produced repeatedly and 
is perfectly practical. Strongly recommended for school exhibitions or 
for a lawn entertainment. 

Price^ 2j cents 

OUTLINE FOR PROGRAMMES 
Scene i. Ancient Britain. " The Coming of the Cross." Drama 
in blank verse with hymns and march movements. 

Scene 2. Medieval England. " Bold Robin Hood." Comic 
Opera with Folk Dances. 

Scene 3. Parti. — "The Landing of the Pilgrims." Tableau 
with reading. 
Part 2. — "The White Man's Foot." Dramatic Indian 

scene. 
Part J. — "A Song of Thanksgiving." Pilgrim song 
service. 

Scene 4. Parti. — "The Spirit of Seventy-Six." Tableau with 
song. 
Part 2. — " A Colonial Garden Party." Historical char- 
acters in the Minuet. Pedte Comedy. 

Scene 5. Part i. — " The Days of '61." Battle scene with music. 
Part 2. — " Lincoln's Speech at Gettysburg." 

Scene 6. " America Triumphant." Song and Tableau. 



SALLY LUNN 

A Comedy in Two Acts 

By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 

Three males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior. 
Plays one and a half hours. Mrs. Randolph (Sally), having married a 
man with children of about her own age, is taken on her first encounter 
with them for a girl friend of her " kid " son, wlio is in the secret, and in 
this character wins a popularity that was denied her. Very clever and 
all characters first class. Strongly recommended. 
Price, 2^ cents 



THE SCOUT MASTER 
A Comedy-Drama in Three Acts 

By Walter Ben Hare 
Ten male characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an exterior, the 
same for all three acts. Plays two hours. Simon Trimmer, a crooked 
lawyer, imposes upon Mr. Meredith, the Scout Master, as his lost son, 
Billy Piper, a boy tramp. Billy, under the influence of The Boy Scouts, 
becomes incapable of continuing the deception, and confesses the fraud 
just as it is sliown that he really is what he has pretended to be. A 
capital play, introducing songs, drills and all sorts of characteristic stunts 
with lots of fun. Strongly recommended. 

Price, 2 J cents 

CHARACTERS 

Billy Piper, a boy tramp. Rooster Jackson, a black man- 

Mr. Meredith, the Scout Master. of-no-work. 
Simon Trimmer, a crooked FREDDvHvNTER.an adopted sou. 
lawyer. Slivers Hammerhead, /<?«<'/ <?/ 

Gap Rinkle, owner of the Eagle dijne jtovels. 

Hotel. Teddy Sullivan, the patrol 

Issacher Trip, the old timer. leader. 

Hefty Mull, a bad man. 
Boy Scouts, Sailor Lads. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Dooryard of the Eagle Hotel, Bingville, Mo. Father 
and son. 

Act n. — Same scene. The ghost of a yaller hound pup. 
Ringing the bell. 

Act hi. — Same scene. The Boy Scout Minstrel show. The 
prodigal son. 

HIS METHODIST FOOT 

A Farce in One Act 
By Vance C. Criss 
Three male, six female characters. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy 
interior. Plays twenty minutes. A book-agent, calling upon Mrs. Jones 
upon his hateful errand, is mistaken for the new minister, whose first call 
is expected, and is given entertainment in that character which, for busi- 
ness reasons, he sustains to the best of his ability. What he learns en- 
ables him to do a rushing business after he has been found out. Very 
lively and funny and can be recommended. 
Price, ij cents 

SILAS MARNER 

A Drama in Fotir Acts from George Eliot's Novel 

By Frafiklitt S. Owen 

Nineteen males, four females ; six of the men are small and unimpor* 

tant parts. Costumes, as suggested by the novel ; scenery, unimportant. 

Plays an hour and a half. A capital play wholly suited for the us€ ci 

schools. Price^ 3^ cents 



THE ELOPEMENT OF ELLEN 

A Farce Comedy in Three Acts by Marie J. Warren. Four males, 
three females. Costumes, modem ; scene.y, one interior and one exte! 
nor. PJays an hour and a half. A bright and ingenious little play, ad- 

hJ will 'Trn ^"'^' i"' ^'''"^' ^''"'" ^°' '''"^ origmally produced 
by VVellesIey College gnls. Strongly recommended. 

Frice, 2J cettts 

A VIRGINIA HEROINE 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Susie G. McGlone. Eleven female char- 
acters. Scenery, easy ; costumes, modern. Plays one hour and forty-five 
minutes Irish and iNegro comedy parts, and two character parts; most 
of the characters young. A very easy and interesting play for girls, well 
suited for school performance. Romantic interest with lots of comedy. 
Pricey 2j cetits 

OUR CHURCH FAIR 

A Farcical Entertainment in Two Acts by Jessie A. Kelley. Twelve 
females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, unimportant. Plays an hour and 
a quarter. A humorous picture of the planning of the annual church fair 
oy the ladies of the sewing circle. Full of local hits and general human 
nature and a sure laugh-producer in any community. Can be recom- 
tended. Price, as cents 

ALL CHARLEY'S FAULT 

A Farce in Two Acts by Anthony E. Wills. Six males, three females, 
bcenery, an easy interior ; costumes, modern. Plays two hours. A very 
lively and laughable piece, full of action and admirably adapted for ama- 
teur performance. Dutch and Negro comedy characters. Plays very 
rapidly with lots of incident and not a dull moment. Strongly recom 
mended. Price, ij cents 

HOW THE STORY GREW 

An Entertainment for Women's Clubs in One Act by O. W. Gleason. 
Eight female characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, unimportant ; maV 
be given on a platform without any. Plays forty-five minutes. A very 
easy and amusing little piece, full of human nature and hitting off a well- 
known peculiarity of almost any community. Written for middle-aged 
v\romen, and a sure hit with the audience. Price, 13 cents 

THE COUNTRY DOCTOR 

A Comedy Drama in Four Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Six males, five 
lemales. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays two hours. 
Easy to stage and full of interest. The female parts are the stronger being 
exceptionally good. Negro and " hayseed " comedy parts. A very strong 
dramatic piece. Can be recommended. Prtcct 2j cents 



EXPENSE NO OBJECT 

A Play in Three Acts 

By Sam Jaimey 
fen males, three females. Scenes, two interiors ; coslumea, modern. 
Plays a full evening. Sherman Ash, a rich man about town, seeking ex- 
citement, answers the advertisement of a tirm of fake detectives with the 
idea of becoming a sleuth, and also engages them for service at Mrs. 
Carr's garden party, where Mrs. Peckham, the owner of a celebrated 
diamond necklace, is to be a guest. The pursuit of this necklace by this 
pair is complicated by Edwards, another crook already on the ground dis- 
guised as the butler, and by the misunderstood tactics of Louise Walker, a 
guest with whom Ash falls ni love. After an exciting series of advent u res 
the necklace is found to be merely paste, virtue in general is rewarded 
and vice punished, and all ends as it should. Originally produced August 
14, 1915, at the Colonial Theatre, Pittsfield, Mass., by Robert Graves, Jr., 
and the Pittsfield Players. Strongly recommended. 
IVice, 2j cents 

CHARACTERS 

SuKKUkii ksn, 7nan about town, Baron Plum, a second story 

Harrison s nephew. worker. 

Chub Trask, crook, arid fake Rfiiv. Francis MacUonald, a 

detective. slipshod clergyman. 

Eddie Stone, crook, and fake Policeman. 

detective. LouiSE Walker, Harrison s 

Neewah, <« Japanese valet. adopted daughter. 

Judge Harrison, uncle to Ash. Mrs. Carr, Carr s wife. 
Edwards, crook, and fake butler. Betty Carr, her daughter, 
Mr. Carr, a foolish rich man. 

The scene is laid in New York City and Tarrytown. 

ELIZABETH'S YOUNG MAN 

A Farce in One Act 

By Louise Seymour Hasbrouck 

One male, three females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. 

Plays twenty-five minutes. Elizabeth Orr, a trained nurse, writes her 

aunt that she is going to take an insane patient to the asylum, and turning 

up later with her recently acquh-ed fiance, a natural misunderstanding 

occurs. Very bright and funny and strongly recommended. 

Price, 2^ cents 

FREDDIE GOES TO COLLEGE 

A Farce in One Act 

By Dwight Everett Watkins 
Four males, two females. Scene, an interior; costumes, modern. 
Plays forty minutes. Pa and Ma Hungerford go to pay a visit to Freddie 
in college, where he has been supposed to be for a long time, only to find 
that he has joined a circus instead and married an equestrienne. A very 
funny situation cleverly worked out. Freddie's prosperity reconciles his 
parents and all ends well. Well recommended. 
Frice^ 2j cents 



THE ADVENTURES OF GRANDPA 

A Farce in Three Acts 

By Walter Beti Ha7'e 

Four males, five females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior. 
Plays a full evening. No royalty. Monte Ray gets word from his 
grandpa, Otis Hammerhead, from whom he receives an allowance, that 
he is about to pay him a flying visit. As one of the excuses that he has 
made to secure an increased income is that he has inarried, he has to have 
a " wife " to show, and borrows for the afternoon Lucy, the wife of a 
close friend, Tod Hunter, much against Tod's will. This answers very well 
for an hour or so, but when the house is quarantined because the cook has 
smallpox, and nobody is allowed to leave, matters get a little complicated. 
A screaming farce introducing dancing, if desired. Very easy, funny and 
up-to-date, and strongly recommended. 

Price, 23 cents 

CHARACTERS 
Montgomery Ray (" Monte"), Grandpa s grandson. 
Tod Hunter, a young dancino; master. 

Otis Hammerhead (" Grandpa ''),fro)n Yelloiu Bud, Ohio. 
Officer McCormack, who seen his duty and done it, . 
Lucy Hunter, our little wife. 
Dorothy Vih.'i.just out of college. 
Mrs. Pansy Hovscotch, fair, y at and forty. 
Marie Ribeau, the girl from Paris. 
Kloompy, twelve days from Copenhagen over. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act L — That afternoon. Grandpa arrives. Quarantined! 

Act n. — That night. Pansy almost breaks out, so does 
Grandpa. Smallpox ! 

Act HL — The next morning. Kloompy spills the beans. 
Good-bye, Grandpa I 

THE BURDEN 
A Play in One Act 

By Elma Ehrlich Levinger 

Three males, one female. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. 
Plays thirty minutes. This admirable little play won the first prize in 
The Sinai Center Prize Contest, in Chicago, and is strongly recommended 
to persons in search of high class material. Mendel Rabinowitz, a " good 
Jew," who has always obeyed " the law," is dependent upon his daughter, 
Sarah, and his son Isadore, who, emancipated by their " American " bring- 
ing up, find the law a burden and seek to be rid of their inconvenient 
parent, the one to marry, the other to better his business chances. The 
old man's struggle against these changes and the abhorrent conditions 
that they involve is intensely dramatic. A play of unusual power and 
pathos, strongly recommended to the best taste. Particularly recom-. 
SCoded to Jewish societies. Royalty, ^5.00 for each performance. 
Price t 2J cents 



THE SUBMARINE SHELL 

A War Play in Four Acts 

By Mansfield Scott 

Seven males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 

Plays two hours. Royalty for amateur performance ^lo.oo for one, 

$15.00 for two performances. Inspector Malcome Steele, of the U. S. 

Secret Service, devotes himself in this thrilling play to unravelling the 

German plots that surround Prof. Middlebrook's submarine shell that is to 

bring the dovi^nfall of the Hun. The battle between his wits and those 

of " Tom Cloff," the German secret agent, is of absorbing interest. An 

jeasy and effective thriller that can be recommended for school performance. 

Price, 2_5 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Hans Kraft, alias James Detective Albert Bradbury. 

McGrady. Inspector Malcome Steele. 

Otto Herman, alias William. "Tom Cloff." 

Mr. Warren Middlebrook. Mrs. Middlebrook. 

Monsieur Charles LeClair. Eleanor Middlebrook. 

Professor Henry Wester- Margaret Linden. 

berg. Delia. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. The living-room. August 11, after dinner. 
Act II. Same as Act I. August 12, i : 30 p. m. 
Act III. The private laboratory. That evening, 7 : 30, 
Act IV. Same as Act III. Later, 10 p. m, 

THE AMERICAN IDEA 

A Sketch in One Act 
By Lily Carthew 
Three males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior. 
Plays twenty minutes. Royalty for amateur performance ^5.00. Mignon 
Goldman, following the American Idea, throws off the parental yoke 
and marries the man of her choice and not the choice of her parents. She 
brings home for the parental blessing John Kelly. Abe, her father, is 
disconsolate at this prospect until he sees John and recognizes in him Yan 
Kele Operchinsky, rechristened in accordance with "The American 
Idea." Originally produced at The Peabody Playhouse, Boston. Strongly 
recommended. Price, 2^ cents. 

THE CROWNING OF COLUMBIA 

A Patriotic Fantasy in One Act 
By Kaihrine F. Carlyofi 
Twenty-five boys and twenty four girls. Costumes, modern and 
picturesque. Nothing required in the way of scenery but a platform. 
Plays half an hour or less. Columbia is approached by the Foresters, the 
Farmers, the Miners, the Pleasure Seekers, the Ammunition Workers and 
even the Red Cross Workers, all asking her to be their Queen, but it is 
only when the Soldiers and tlie Red Cross Nurses come, asking nothing 
and giving all, that she yields. Easy, pretty, timely, and strongly recom* 
mended. Introduces music. Price, sj cents 





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Males 


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l<o*<iltr 






The Americana 




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Anita's Trial 




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Art Clubs are Trumps 




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Behind the Scenes 




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The Camp Fire Girls 




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A Case for Sherlock Holmes 




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The Farmerette 




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Getting the Range 




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Her First Assignment 




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Hitty's Service Flag 




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IX 


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Joint Owners in Spain 




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A King's Daughter 




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A Lady to Call 




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Leave it to Polly 




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Miss Fearless & Co. 




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A Modern Cinderella 




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The Thirteenth Star 




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Twelve Old Maids 




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An Awkward Squad 


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The Blow Up of Algernon Blow 


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The Boy Scouts 


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A Close Shave 


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The First National Boot 


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His Father's Soa 


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The Man With the Nose 


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Plays for Colleges and I 



The Air Spy 

Bachelor Hail 

The College Chap 

The Colonel's Maid 

Daddy 

The Deacon's Second Wife 

The District Attorney 

The Dutch Detective 

An Easy Mark 

The Elopement of Ellen 

Engaged by Wednesday 

The Farmerette 

For One Night Only 

Hamilton 

Higbee of Harvard 

Kitty's Service Flag 

The Hoodoo 

The Hurdy Ourdy Girl 

Katy Did 

Let's Get Married 

London Assurance 

Lost a Chaperon 

The Man from Brandon 

The Man Who Went 

The Man Without a Coun ry 

Master Pierre Patelin 

Me and Otis 

The Minute Man 

Mose 

Mr. Bob 

Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard 

Nathan Hale 

Nephew or Uncle 

Professor Pepp 

A Regiment of Two 

The Revenge of Shari-Hot-Sn 

The Rivals 

The Romanceis 

The Rose and the Ring 

Sally Lunn 

The School for Scandal 

She Stoops to Conquer 

Step Lively 

The Submarine Shell 

The Thirteenth Star 

The Time of His Life 

Tommy's Wife 

The Twig of Thorn 



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